This is her scenario:
If I knew what being a Mom was going to be like, would I have done it? Sadly, the answer is probably no. Am I horrible? Yes, maybe. But I like to think that I'm just brave enough to admit what every other Mom is feeling inside. Mom's think they are so horrible to say how rough and miserable motherhood can truly be. We think we have to tell everyone that we LOVE being a Mom so much and that we have the best angel kids ever. Why do we lie ? Why can't we admit that being a Mom is just about the most tiresome & HARDEST job out there? Worth it? I don't know. Ask me that in a few years, because right now I'm in no shape to give you a correct answer.
I do love my son. But I can't say I love being a Mom. Sorry, the truth sucks.
Take today for example. I had the goal to go to church. This is huge for me; I'm not a church go-er. My husband was working but planned to be home in time to get himself ready to go. That meant I had me and the 2 year old monster to get ready. I really try my hardest to start each day with a set of fresh batteries, with a clean and open mind, making no assumptions that he's gonna fight me on every little thing I ask of him. I do try.
Breakfast time: He hates eating. There's no ignoring or forgetting or getting around that fact. What do you want to eat? a cupcake. Fantastic. Half of me , the lazy half wants to just give the kid a cupcake, so we can avoid the tantrum that was about to follow & save myself the extra time & stress that would come with that. But no. Cereal? No. Oatmeal? No. Yogurt? I want yogurt. Ok. Sit up to the table and eat your yogurt, please. No. Nothing's that easy. I want to watch cartoons. Ok, come eat your yogurt in here (Tv room) Mistake #1, but I don't care. I have to hurry. I have myself to get ready, too. Ok, wear this bib. No. Ok, fine. Proceed to getting myself ready. Come back to find yogurt half eaten and a big mess on the floor & all over him. Keep your cool. Come here, lets eat the rest of your yogurt at the table. NO! YES! NO! I pick him up and set him at the table. There is kicking and screaming. I go clean up the mess he made on the floor in the TV room. I turn around to see him smearing yogurt all over the table. I pick up spoon and force feed him a few bites. I tell him to eat the rest of it. NO! Ok. I tell him I'm leaving without him then. I go outside, open the garage and pretend to leave. He freaks out. He eats rest of yogurt. There is a big mess. I clean it up because I don't have the time or patience to ask him to clean it up and deal with the tantrum that will create. Lets go to your room and get you dressed. NO! yes. I take his hand and drag him to his room. There is screaming, whining & running away. I'm about to the end of my rope. I tell him we have to clean off his face and the yogurt off his shirt. I get a wipe to do this. He freaks out, won't hold still, screams & fights. I'm slipping, holding on by a thread. Someone save me, quick. I tell him to lay down so I can change his diaper and get him dressed. NOOOO!!!!!! That's it. I'm done. I start screaming because he is screaming. Real grown up, right? I spank his butt, hard. He screams louder and tries to hit me. Good one, Mom. You're a real thinker. I don't care. I'm beyond thinking and I'm beyond reason. I'm done. I slam the door and lock him in. He screams and hits the door. I run to my room and bury my head under the pillow and sob uncontrollably for a good 15-20 minutes. My husband comes home, to my rescue. He deals with it. I try to piece myself back together but I have a half hour to get ready. I can't. I won't. I'm too pissed anyway, and I have no desire to see my 2 year old for a long while.
That was today. And you know, if that was the first time things like this happened, it wouldn't be so bad. But, its not. Things like this happen every SINGLE day. It builds and builds and builds and then I explode.
I have no words of wisdom, no encouraging thoughts. My brain feels like mashed potatoes and I'm emotionally drained. All I can think about is that tomorrow is another one. I eat a cupcake. Then I eat another. I want to run away. I want to go back to the simpler times, when I had only myself to care for. I am selfish, I never said I wasn't. I am human, too. I'm not superwoman and I don't want to be.
Moms , how do you do this? More importantly, how do you do this & like it? Or even more importantly, how do you pretend to like it? Or am I indeed horrible?
yours truly,
the at the end of her rope,
gone completely crazy,
ready to run away,
all because of one little 2 year old,
cupcake eating Mom.
My response in this is, Fake it til ya make it! I fake loving my life many of days. I do believe moms need their time outs, trips with friends, girls night out, etc. How can you take care of your family when you aren't taking care of yourself? I know most of the time I am in no condition to be a "good" mom. I have to go to a movie, do some retail therapy, eat whatever the hell I want, and not care about all those skinny moms. I'm going to do what makes me happy, so I can have happy kids.
is it cheating of me to answer even though i'm not a mom? ;) because of that, take this with a grain of salt!!
ReplyDeletei don't think there is anything wrong with thinking "oh crap, what'd i get myself into" because to be honest, we never know what its going to be like to be a mom until we acutally are one (so i'm told, right?) it is something that we as girls, teens, women dream about, hope for and idolize until we have it (or get over it).
but its like being at the top of a really big roller coaster. once you're at the top, looking down at the world around you, you may be scared ****less, but what can you do about it? absolutely nothing. you have to finish the ride. you are a mom now. and that is something that can't be undone. why not make the best of it that you can? of course, things are going to be tough. you're going to want to scream, cry, give your kid away, run away yourself etc. but the point is that at the end of the day you tuck that child of yours in at night and smile because they belong to you and only you.
i hope things get better for you and that you are able to find an outlet to channel are your stress! every woman needs that regardless of them being a mother or not!